Attempt at a Play
Lessons
SETTING
A few bar stools and maybe a bar, that’s all that need to be
on stage.
CAST
CAS Guy
of about 25, short black hair, wearing a suit and tie, loosened but still to
stuffy looking for a place like this
KITTY Girl
of about 24, wearing a rather tight hot pink dress
DEAN Guy
of about 26, short brown hair, wearing t-shirt and jeans
Lights come up on the
empty stage, after a beat CAS walks on, looking awkward and uncomfortable. He
notices the audience and then launches into his monologue. He drifts towards
the bar and sits down during his speech, never fully relaxing.
CAS
I’m here
for Dean. No wait… not for him. Not for him. Not for him.
I mean, I’m here with Dean,
he’s the one who dragged me here after all. I mean, this is nice and all, but
lets just say that it’s not really my ‘scene.’
When Dean called he said it was an ‘exotic dancing show’ which I took to
mean something completely different. Homeschool will do that to a person; make
it easy for a ‘friend’ to trick you. And
of course I just so happened to make exactly the kind of friend who would trick
me into driving him to a strip club. That’s him over there (points out over the audience) the one
with the glazed expression and the large wad of ones. Why you ask? Why the
glazed expression or… oh right, the friendship. Well that’s a very strange and
unnecessary story that you don’t really want to – (cut off by the entrance of KITTY, 23-27, who is wearing is very tight,
short, alarmingly pink dress).
KITTY
Well hello handsome.
CAS
(looks terrified)
M-me?
KITTY
‘Course you! Don’t see anyone else fits the description half
as well as you, sweetie.
CAS
Uh… Miss I think you have me confused with someone else, I’m
just here with my friend…
KITTY
Oh yeah, I know. Saw you two come in together. But looks
like he’s having enough fun with Sami over there and you just looked so lonely
with your big blue eyes and fluffy hair (she
leans over to try and ruffle his hair but CAS leans away, frightened) That
trench coat is doing wonders for you by the way.
CAS
Well- thank you… I um, I think you might have gotten the
wrong idea, I’m just here with- for my friend.
KITTY
Oh you mean the one you keep making puppy eyes at over
there? Never would have thought.
CAS
What?! I think you’ve got this quite wrong.
KITTY
Oh do I? Well just in case I don’t, I’d just like to point
out that your ‘friend’ looks like he’s about to break a few laws with Sami over
there. You might want to do something about that, even if you’re not in love
with him.
CAS
(looks off stage ‘at Dean’ exasperated)
What- not- you’ve- oh Dean, not again! (looks back at KITTY) Um, er… excuse me (he runs off).
KITTY
(stares after him for a minute then
sighs, opens her purse and lights a cigarette)
Oh boys, they’ll
never get it right will they? Always concentrating on the wrong thing, never
seeing what’s right there in front of them. I knew this guy, client, once who
took me out to this beautiful party. Looks like we had stepped into some kind
of dream with gauzy streamers and fake snow everywhere. The Champaign glittered
on ever surface, making it look like we were dancing among the stars... but
anyway, this guy. We danced the whole night, swirling around the dance floor;
him in tails and me in this flowy pink thing that Madame – my boss – said made
me look like a princess. I felt like it too, a princess in a perfect starry
winter wonderland. At least I felt like that until the end of the night, when
were in the cab home and I asked for my money. He just gave me this look. Was I
kidding, he asked, we hadn’t even gotten to the fun part yet. Then I gave him a
look. That was the fun part, I said, now give me my money. Not until he got
everything he had paid for, he said. He didn’t seem to understand that he had
paid for an ‘escort’, someone to go to a party with him and make him look good,
someone to dance and have interesting conversations with. He didn’t get that
even though it was right under his nose. Didn’t get it, not at all.
(Looks off into the distance for a while, takes a drag of her cigarette)
Guys are just so… thick sometimes. I had this friend in high school that I
never really liked, you know in that
way, but by the time we were done with that hellhole I knew I loved him. I
loved him in a friends forever, kindred spirit kind of way. So the night before
graduation we were over at his house, lying on his roof and talking about stars
and life and the future, and I told him. I said I loved him and do you know
what he did? He leaned over and kissed me. Then he told me he’d wanted to do
that since the moment we met as freshmen. Then he kissed me again. He didn’t
get what a I meant, that I loved him, but not it a hormonal rage kind of love,
not in a skin on skin love; in the kind that lasts, the kind two people have
for their entire lives. (Zones out again
for a minute then seems to come back to earth and takes a drag) I haven’t
seen him since graduation, when he gave me his college info and told me to
visit. I never did. I hope that if I see him again he’ll understand, he’ll get
that my love was forever before his love made it a one night stand.
(KITTY sits at the bar
for a minute, smoking and drinking. Then CAS and DEAN come staggering on stage,
DEAN’s arm over CAS’s shoulder, DEAN obviously not quite sober)
CAS
Dean, just wake up will you? We need to get you out of here.
(He sees KITTY still at the bar and stops)
Oh, you’re still here.
KITTY
Yep. Don’t get too excited.
CAS
I’m- sorry, I’ve just got my hands a little full at the
moment.
KITTY
I can see that. Not the first time this’s happened is it?
CAS
No, he’s making quite a habit of it-
DEAN
Yes, I’m gettin real ‘noying to Cas, but he’ll ‘ever tell
‘nyone cause we’re besties.
CAS
Oh god, you are going to kill me in the morning
KITTY
It’s ok, he probably won’t remember most of it anyway, looks
like Sami gave him the Friday night special, purple nerples all around.
CAS
Somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.
DEAN
Hey Cas, Cas, can I sit down? My heads kinda dead. Ha! That
did the thing, whas it called? R…rh…
KITTY
Rhymed?
DEAN
Yes! That thing! Cas I like her, can we stay a little
longer?
CAS
No, we should leave this lady alone and get you home.
KITTY
Oh, I don’t mind, this is pretty amusing.
CAS
(Indignant)
If you thing this is funny, you-
KITTY
Oh I don’t mean the drunk part, I mean the way he’s hanging
all over you.
CAS
I don’t- well it doesn’t really matter what you mean. We’re
leaving.
DEAN
But Cas!
KITTY
No he’s right, you should get home. A little tip though,
hair of the dog. Hair of the dog.
CAS
Thanks we’ll keep that in mind. Come on Dean, let’s go. (They turn to go and are almost off stage)
KITTY
Oh, one more tip.
CAS
Yes?
KITTY
Don’t let him kiss you. It just makes things complicated.
CAS (smiling slightly)
Ok, we’ll keep that in mind too. (They exit)
KITTY
(sits and smokes for a minute)
You know it’s funny, people have this thing were you say
love but they hear sex. You say “I like you” but they hear “we should make out”
and that might be true, but really that’s not the point. The point is that,
when you get right down to it, physical crap isn’t nearly as long lasting as
emotional crap. And some of that might not be good, emotional scars and
physical ones and all that, but that heals right over and you learn. You learn
and you love and you live, no matter how many lessons it takes. (Lights
fade to black)